


Wonderboy

by KEBKEN



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Dissociation, M/M, Morning After, Smoking, happens somewhere between the end of HS and the Epilouges
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-08
Updated: 2020-05-08
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:28:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24073708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KEBKEN/pseuds/KEBKEN
Summary: Dirk has left Jake again and Jakes head runs in circles.
Relationships: Jake English/Dirk Strider
Kudos: 14





	Wonderboy

Jake wonders if that’s all he’s left to do now. Wonder.

It’s not all that he’s doing right now, but It is a thing he is doing for sure. He takes a drag from what he is smoking and releases a cloud out of his mouth with a deep sigh. Dirk has left the bed hours ago, not leaving a trace of ever having been there. But Jake feels like he can still smell his scent radiating off the sheets. He stays clear of that part of the bed and tries to numb his senses with the smoke instead.

The window of the cluttered room is opened just a bit. The soft breeze hushes between the glass and frame into the house only to get swallowed by the gray cloud that has gathered there. Jake raises a hand to his face. He quietly stares at it for a bit, not sure if it’s really there, if he’s really there, before raising it to comb it through his hair. Then the hand drops. 

> JAKE: What am I even doing.

He knows what he’s doing. His mind keeps running, never slowing down. It's so desperately trying to capture everything it can about Dirk. Not just Dirk but him and Dirk. Everything about them is too tender, too raw, too terrible, too soft, too comforting, too fucking much. He can’t keep Dirk here, he’s just not enough. But maybe in thought, he can at least get closer to that. To understanding him. To being with him. Because being without him is never how it should feel. Never how he imagines it when they’re together. Sometimes he feels like this, like he’s beginning to understand the other man but before he can catch the thought, it escapes him. He wonders if Dirk feels the same sometimes. If he thinks about Jake too.

A part of him is sure he does. He knows this can’t be one sided, he knows it isn’t. Or maybe he’s just that desperate to delusion himself. He wonders if Dirk is as torn as Jake is himself sometimes. Everything about Dirk seems cut so clear all the time and Jake thinks how much of an actor Dirk must be to uphold that farce. He’s known him long enough by now, to realize that there’s as many parts about Dirk that are just as fake as everything about Jake is. They’re both terrible liars but maybe that’s why they’re so close. Even when Dirk isn’t there, Jake knows there’s nobody in the world right now that understands him better than Dirk does. And Jake likes to selfishly think the same about himself, that he knows and understands Dirk better than anyone in the world. 

> JAKE: What in the world am I doing.

Jake has still not moved an inch from his position on the bed. His knees are on the floor next to the frame of the bed and his upper body is sprawled on the mattress, chest first. His right hand is holding the stick he’s smoking in the air while the left lies lifelessly. It’s a weird position and would probably be uncomfortable for anyone else, but Jake isn’t anyone else so it works just fine for him. He doesn’t want to move anytime soon but the cigarette is burning down slowly like a time bomb. And Jakes stares into the soft mattress. Unseeing.


End file.
